Me and My Dark Skin!

One day I received a letter from a young lady on myspace. In her letter, she told me something that was bothering her and had asked my advice. She said she loves to sing and could I check her out. I did and I must say, she was AWESOME! She said her problem wasn’t her voice but whenever people would see her they’d say, “She can sing BUT she’s too dark.” She was devastated!

Now my question to the world is, why do we base talent on the brightness of ones skin?! Skin color has nothing to do with talent and the gifts God had bestowed upon the person! I was livid!

I told the young lady, if I had listened to everyone that talked about me being dark skin, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I remember when SWV first got signed. I was told that we weren’t really the epitome of what a “GIRL GROUP” should look like because we weren’t all light skin AND the lead singer was a dark skin sister. That hurt my feelings so bad! But what could I do? You had groups like The Good Girls and En Vogue who were all light and they were doing their thing! Even though I was hurt, I didn’t quit. But it didn’t help to know what the record execs thought and it made me an angry dark skin sister.

I felt like I had to prove myself in everything I did. Whether it was my singing, dating, dressing…whatever! I just felt like I had to prove the point of “I maybe dark but I can do whatever you can do.” In being like that I think I began to lose my sense of self, sort of became superficial.

I was already an angry chick and just knowing what these people thought just added fuel to the fire. I began to take it out on everybody around me. I couldn’t understand why my skin color was such an issue! Not just in the music industry but life in general. This color thing really affected me. For a long time I wouldn’t date dark brothers. They had to be light or straight Puerto Rican. All my homegirls were dark like me. It’s crazy because this is just another form of racism.

Eventually, I had to step back and re-evaluate myself. I had to get myself together because I was headed no where real fast with that attitude. I began to pray and ask God to deliver me from myself. I didn’t want to be like that. God was the only way out.

God showed me that I am a beautiful black princess period! My dark skin doesn’t take away or add to who am I…it’s just who I am. I have come to accept my skin color and I’m loving it!! I’m a beautiful person inside and out. God doesn’t make mistakes. There are a lot of people struggling with their skin color but you have to love yourself no matter what! Black is beautiful no matter what shade you are. Stand up and be proud because you ARE one of God’s creations and that means you are ALL THAT!

Coko Clemons!

Real Friends vs. Fake Friends

Friend - a person that you know well & like; a supporter of a cause or organization

Not part of a competition; not harmful

Back in the 90's, TLC had a popular song titled "What About Your Friends."  Some of you may remember.  Now the part that always stuck out to me was the hook:

What about your friends

Will they stand their ground

Will they let you down again...

What about your friends

Are they gonna be low down

Will they ever be around

Or will they turn their backs on you

Something to think about right?  So many times people will say, "Girl I love you" or "I got your back" but deep down inside they're waiting to stab you in your back.  Some will stab you in the front!

A lot of times we tend to use the word friend too loosely.  For ex.  That's my friend, we went to school together.  That does not qualify us to be friends.  You may know of me but you do not know me.

What is a Real Friend?

To me a real friend is someone who will hold you down, no matter what!!  They're not going to talk behind your back, stab you or jab you.  They're going to love you, flaws and all!  When you need them, they are there.  You cry together, you laugh together, you pray together, you pray for each other, they keep your secrets and when you're wrong a real friend won't hesitate to let you know.

FAKE FRIENDS?!

Now I have had a lot of those!  Those are people that pretend to be down with you BUT behind your back, they are KILLING you!  They are just waiting for your downfall.  Fake Friends will also hang with you as long as you're riding high.  I've had so many of those in my lifetime.  As long as the music was on the radio, they were there.  But when the music stopped, they stopped being there.  Now that's real fake for ya!

But I thank God for the real friends He has placed in my life.  If you have real friends in your life, you should let them know how much they mean to you.  I have lived and I have learned from past relationships.  Now is the time to weed out those that mean us no good!

It's 2009 and now is the time to cut off some folk!

Much love and Happy New Year!

Coko